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Why do men cheat?

September 17, 2012

I'm not Dr. Love, neither do I have a "Talk to Dr. Liz" column in any newspaper or magazine (maybe some day I will); in fact, the closest I ever came to being a doctor is when I felt sorry for hurting animals and thought maybe I could do them justice if I become a veterinary..... well, that's way before I lost my innocence. Anyway, as I was saying before I digressed (as usual), I am just a normal person with non of these credentials, but lots of experience when it comes to being hurt in relationships. Yes, I do admit that at one point in my life I did fall victim to the one plague that every woman is afraid of; a cheating partner.

Why do men cheat? If you are a woman then I'm sure you must have asked this question at one point in your life...Well I guess the number of pages on google returning results to a query with this question is evidence enough that there is no one particular response that can satisfactorily answer this archaic question. However, majority of writers including Steve Harvey of the Best-Seller "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", have concluded that the reason why men cheat is simple: Because they can..... Oh, Reallllllllllllllllly?

Now, this post was triggered by the fact that I have been reading this book and as much as it has some great insights as to why men are from mars, some things i don't agree with such as the issue about cheating. As far as I am concerned, men cheat because they are SELFISH. Plain. Simple. Period. And this selfishness did not start last week; it has been in existence for as long as I can remember.

When I was growing up, I used to go upcountry with my grandpa every Friday and return to the city every Monday morning for school. During the weekends, being "ushago" (upcountry) like we Kenyans call it, there was always an opportunity to slaughter either a jogoo or a goat. Whatever the animal, the one thing I noted then is that certain parts (the best parts to be precise) of the nicely roasted animal would always be set aside for the men, all in the name of "tradition"... (Tradition my foot!) Looking back now, I realize the term "tradition" was a nice camouflage for SELFISHNESS.

Away from the meat-eating-traditions, let's come closer to more modern times.... I'll use an example of a nuclear family with two school going children. At the end of the term they both bring their report cards home, but unfortunately one has failed. What is the most likely scenario to play out for the one who has failed? Well, from what I have witnessed in the past, all of a sudden the child who failed will miraculously belong to the mother; you are likely to hear statements like "this child of yours is as stupid as you are", or "can you find a way of helping YOUR CHILD pull up his/her socks? No child of mine should be getting grades like this..."(like she fathered and mothered the child all by herself). And as if that's not damaging enough, he goes on to say how he used to get great grades in school - infact, he can even say how he used to be top in his class; but the most interesting this is that his certificates in the house are always under lock and key lest anyone sees how many jembes (Grade Fs) he had.... (and he wonder's why his son/daughter got Es in school....) Again, another streak of SELFISHNESS.

Now to the heart of the issue....Cheating.

it is very easy for a man to cheat on his wife/girlfriend and feel nothing about it. In fact, with the great evolvement of technology, with hand-held gadgets and smart phones becoming even smarter, cheating has just been made easier for men. Sexting, flirting and virtual affairs, pornography and masturbation have become the order of the day; in fact it is so bad that some men are not even able to satisfy their women in bed anymore because these tendencies have greatly affected their minds. And if he does, you the wife who knows he has been doing porn are left to wonder who he is really having sex with when he is in bed with you; is it the latest porn model he downloaded yesterday, or is it really me, his wife??? As you the woman are lovingly and wholely giving yourself to your man, for all you know, he could be fantasizing about some photoshopped "nana" he saw when he was porning earlier.... NKT!  And dare you as a woman ask......"it is a man thing and if you can't live with it LEAVE"  is likely to be the response... After giving up your best years to give birth and raise his kids? Probably even put your career on hold to hold the family together, etc. All for what? Eish!

What if the script was flipped and the woman decided to cheat on her husband, how would he handle it? Chances are likely that she would be kicked out of the house because the man cannot handle the thought of being "cheated on".... aha! So suddenly he has feelings? So suddenly cheating is not a very good idea after all? Why? Because tables have been turned on him? SELFISH human being!

And who really said that if women wanted they cannot do exactly what men do? If you ask any woman who has gone through the experience of a cheating parner, chances are very high that she has come very close to doing a "Tit-for-Tat". However, in the end, she listens to the voice of reason in her head and realizes its not worth it; truth is, "sleeping with some other dude because your husbad is cheating on you is like barking at a dog to show him who is boss"... (so between you and the dog (pun intended) who is crazy???) While your husband is busy thinking that you are not cheating because you cannot, you on the other hand are busy thinking "My body is the only thing I have control over. I will not damage it to prove a point to some fool."  I say fool for many reasons...

For instance, how many times have you heard a fully grown, married man saying he is going out with a woman half his age, just because he wants to feel younger? Dude, if you are 40 years old, fooling around with a girl who is 20 years will not take 20 years off your age! Now that is a seriously foolish thought but obviously, at that point you are using the wrong head to think.  If you are a dinosaur already, the only thing that can happen to you is becoming a bigger dinosaur! Infact, going out with a woman half-your age (or any other woman for that matter), when you have a dedicated faithful woman back home waiting for you goes to prove that besides being SELFISH, there are a few "S" words that would describe you, one of them being stupid. 

The truth is, I can go on and on and on about this subject because I know how it feels to be cheated on, whether physically or virtually. Either way, men don't do it because they can (women can too); they do it because they are SELFISH. Like one of my male Tweep said, "Every male has the power to be the best man he can be to a woman. It all depends on when he is ready to grow up". To me, this simply means that all men who cheat on their women in any way are boys; they are yet to mature.

The "best" man described above is not SELFISH (read does not cheat) to his woman in any way; instead, he chooses to honor, love, protect, adore and be faithful to one woman; his woman. Now this is the true definition of a REAL MAN; very few remaining in the world we are living in today and my prayer is that my son will be a REAL MAN one day when he is fully grown.

 

Definition of a Real Man

Now this is a true definition of a Real Man

If God had intended for men to cheat on their wives, then after HE created Eve, the eighth day He would have created Christine, Amy, and a few other women, then brought them to Adam. That very act of creating one man and one woman means He intended for every one man to have one woman and vice versa. As Proverbs 5: 15 says: "Drink water from your own well" - translated, this means share your body only with your spouse.

Having said everything that I've said, I'd like to acknowledge that not all men cheat. Some are very faithful to their wives/partners both physically and virtually. Similarly, not all women are faithful to their men; some are the greatest sluts known on planet earth. Infact, they give Prophet Hosea's wife (from the Bible) some serious competition. Their slutty behaviours have caused many marriages and relationships to break.

In conclusion, whether a man or a woman, the next time you think you have good reason to cheat on your partner remember that at the end of the day shear SELFISHNESS and lack of Self Control will have dictated your actions.

Self control is knowing you can do something (like cheating)... but deciding you won't. That is maturity too.

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..wao!ur realy blessed liz

Thanks for reading.....:-)

Hope you'll share with others.

A real man handles the truth.
God Bless You for this Reminder.
Lord, Help me walk like the man you want me to be.

Thanks OG for your positive approach towards this article. So far you are the only man I know who has taken this post as a reminder of what should be; the rest ......

Share the post with others.

Cheat according to who? You have taken artificial values and imposed them on a society which was not built that way, when did it become a one man one woman thing, why are the real traditions based on harmony with nature being brushed aside, men are genetically programmed to "cheat" plain and simple because they are forced into an unnatural situation!
"We may think of ourselves as a monogamous species, but we're coming from an evolutionary history that's probably slightly polygamous. If we're shifting toward monogamy, it's so recent it hasn't left an imprint on our genome." New Scientist.

The Fuu, thanks for your heart-felt feedback.

Like I mentioned in my article, my basis was founded on the word of God. Be it a man or a woman, the fact that God created ONE man and ONE woman means HIS policy was 1:1. However, in order to satisfy our own selfish desires, both men and women alike decided the equation/ratio can change - hence polygamy, mistresses, side-kicks and whatever else you want to call them.

Having said that I have a question for you, in your view who created this polygamous society? A man or a woman?

There are recent studies that show also women cheat as much as men.

Please give explanation for that.

The article is good but generalized and if every woman has been cheated that means it is natural...and maybe it is a genetic disposition.

Guest 1, thanks for taking the time to read the article and send your feedback.

If you did go through the post to the last sentence, I did acknowledge that not all men cheat, just like not all women are faithful. It's all a matter of choice. 

What I was trying to say here is that both women and men are capable of cheating; that old cliche of "men cheat because the can" is what I have a problem with. Both men and women are able to cheat..... It all depends on an individual person.

Article begins by the title why do men cheat but ends up stating that the amount of cheating is virtually the same both ways.

It is quite natural to be gender-nepotic, that's why it is easier for the writer, a 'she' to try to paint the male as the antagonist in this scenario.

The title is hence biased!

Thanks Ken for your opinion....

good article.....as much as i dont encourage cheating but the truth we cannot brush aside the ratio of men:women.
if every man would have one woman what happens to the remaining?

Thanks Earl for taking the time to read and comment.

What I know is that not every woman, or every man is called to be married.... some have a calling for celibacy.

Women cheat too....please change the title to "Why do women/men cheat?"

Thanks for your feedback John, but I guess the most important thing is the content and not necessarily the title. If you did read the entire post I am sure you will realize I have acknowledged that women cheat too, which is a sad thing. 

Liz,
this article is well balance with utmost neutrality. you have a good tone and it makes you one of the best bloggers whose blogs I've read recently. i also believe men cheat because of selfishness. even those dating do cheat on their girlfriends leaving me wondering whether we have any hopes of meeting the good man and settling down trusting they will never cheat.

i'm currently going through a similar case of my boyfriend cheating on me with a straight face and daring me to even ask as he's completely blinded and having a 'good time' with the side chic. I've had no choice but to end it. i have lost hopes in ever finding any good man out there. all the same thanks for the write up. More blessings dear.

Thanks for your feedback Joy. If you check out some of the comments I got from this post, some people missed the point and thought I was attacking men, but those who read the post to the end like you did finally understood that I was non-partisan in my writing.

As for your situation, it is really sad that you have had to go through that but in the end, look at it as a blessing in disguise. Like the saying goes, as hurting as it is, it is better a broken courtship than a broken marriage. Imagine all the drama you would have experienced had you gotten married to the loser.

Take courage, don't let this setback make you dull. Remember, you were not the problem; he just didn't know what he had in you.

God bless you my dear.

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