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What went wrong where?

December 07, 2012

I've been listening to Maina Kageni and Mwalimu King'ang'i for a few weeks now since I discovered I could get them online. From the topics they've been discussing on their segment "#MITM - Maina in the Morning", it is clear that relationships and marriages in Kenya are no longer what God wanted them to be... not sure this is a unique scenario to Kenya, but then again, that is not what is up for discussion.

Earlier in the week, their discussions were bordering around taking precaution against the spread of STDs and who should take care/control of this, between a man and a woman. Some of ladies who called in left me totally baffled because of some of the revelations made. Majority of them admitted that they have sex without protection with their husbands either because their men wouldn't have it any other way, or because they fear that by asking them (the men) to use condoms, they might just up and leave the women, though the women know fully well that the men having sowing wild oats. I know nobody wants to be lonely, but surely, why would you insist on staying in a risky relationship, just to save face and avoid loneliness? As it is most of the women did confirm that they had been infected by the HIV virus by their wayward husbands, but those who were bold enough decided to leave those relationships long before things got to the infecting stage. And by the way, men also called in and shared some horrific stories about their wives. Sad situation indeed.

The question now begs, what is a woman supposed to do? Is she supposed to continue having un-protected sex with a husband, she fully knows is a "jogoo wa mtaani"? And to that man who is faithful but knows his wife is a "public well", is he supposed to drink from that well knowing fully well it might be contaminated? Life is hard as it is without making it more complicated by being SELFISH. How then are we going to reduce the spread of AIDS and other STDs in Kenya, if we cannot use commons sense and apply self control? URGH!  At this rate, 1st December will just be another non-progressive day in the lives of many, and considering it is not highlighted in red on the calendar, who will ever remember what it stands for?

Anyway, will tackle the above issue another time. What I want to adress today is what Maina was discussing yesterday - 6th December 2012: "Isn't a woman supposed to say no to the husband, if she is not in the mood?" According to 99% of the callers, the verdict was that it is a "sin" for a woman to say no to the man, and of course all the callers saying this were men, except for one woman who I thought was mad. There was one dude in particular who made me feel like screaming,  because according to him, he paid for "that thing" when he paid the dowry for his wife and therefore, he should get it anytime he wants it, regardless of whether she is well or sick. What?!?!  And you wonder why suddenly the male species has become endangered, leading to crazy incidents; i.e. the on-going Nyerification of men ..... One word "FRUSTRATED" women.

To my dear brothers called MEN, before you become a menace, let me let you in on a few secrets about women. To my sisters, please allow me to let the cat out of the bag so that we can help our brothers "understand" us better, since as we know they were given a manual but they never read.... (just seen another potential post).

Men, when a woman says she is "tired" or having a "headache", it is possible that 50% of the time she is speaking the truth. The other 50% she could be saving your face by not telling you exactly what is going on in her mind especially if stuff like this happens/does not happen often:

  • Zero hygiene - you are likely to be said to be having zero hygiene if you have long unkempt nails, if you have long tangled pubic and armpit hair, if you have smelly feet/socks or foul breath (and you still expect her to kiss you), if you have cracked feet and if you have body odor caused by you not showering properly in all the hidden areas, etc. I believe you get my drift. If you are going to share a bed with someone other than your dog, then please make sure you are not toxic, otherwise even your dog will opt for the floor.
  • Foreplay or lack of it - Some guys can only be described as the "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kind of lovers, because they take no time for foreplay. They just jump in like they are in the loo and when done, roll over and sleep. Nooooo! There is nothing that disgusts a woman like such an action (unless you had both agreed its to be like that). What men forget is that the act of penetration is just the final step; the best part of the whole session is in the preparation before penetration. 
  • Creativity - Women love creativity. She might be totally fatigued and could even be genuinely having a splitting migraine, but you might be very surprised to find the same woman making mad love to her husband, if he pushes the right buttons. A massage, cuddling, some wine etc... could be creative ways of getting her in the mood. Besides, we all know one of the remedies of headaches and insomnia is some good sex. Be creative and see if you won't be the one now having "headaches" just to escape her grasp.
  • Freedom - What you men do not know is that in every woman there is a "bad girl", a porn-star waiting to happen to the right person, at the right time. However, as we heard on the show, most of you are so rigid and conservative that you cannot "accept to see your woman stripping or belly-dancing" for you. This beats logic because you are the same guys who pay enough to go watch pole-dancers and stippers elsewhere, or indulge in pornography.  Wouldn't it be safer and better for you to have your own woman entertaining you in this way? Sigh! Men are truly from Mars... but in short, what I mean to say is that when a woman is denied an opportunity to be herself, to be adventurous with her man's body, the likelihood of her losing interest in sex (with him) is very high.
  • Romance - A man who does not take time to romance his wife is likely to have a woman who is ever "sick". Sick because she is sick and tired of things happening the same way every other day and as a result, monotony sets in. She knows what to expect when she sees a certain look in your eyes, or she feels that tap on her shoulder.... How about spicing both your lives by adding some romance into the picture? For instance, spend quality time with her without sex in your mind; you could treat her to a Candlelit dinner, or take her for a walk by the beach and really show interest in what is going on on her life; invite her to dance to some nice baby-making music and by the end of the music see what happens. Once in a while, how about you take her out for some weekend get-aways to surprise destinations etc....
  • Randomness  - If you are predictable in the bedroom then I'll tell it to you as it is; you are boring. Women love surprises. I don't know where it's written that the only position one can assume is the missionary position. How about you surprise her in the morning when she is showering, walk in on her in the bathroom and have a quickie, or sometime during the day when she least expects it, invite her for lunch and end up "quicking" her... trust me, she will be wanting you again in the evening... Monotony is sickening to everyone including men (I'd want to believe, but seeing that they are form Mars...... Sigh!).
  • Showering her with love/appreciation - A woman wants to be appreciated by her man, even when (s)he thinks she doesn't deserve to be. Appreciation can be done in many ways e.g. buying her flowers, taking her out often or simply letting your body language speak on your behalf. If you rarely cuddle her, or hold her, or reassure her, then she will definitely be enstranged from you. Remember, she was made from your rib - this has a very powerful meaning; she came from your rib for you to protect her and next to your heart for you to love her. A woman who feels loved and appreciated will do anything for her man (that includes sex three times a day if he wants).
  • Treat her with respect - Like I said in my last point, a woman needs to be appreciated, and one way of doing this is by showing her respect. Any time you do anything to disrespect her, you are simply creating an opportunity for her to get "tired" of you. Shouting at her, using abusive/demeaning language when speaking to her, physically/mentally abusing her, cheating on her, etc, spells disrespect to your woman, and once you subject her to any of that stuff, don't expect her to be feeling your vibe in the bedroom. She'll probably be calling you names in her mind every time she sees you, if not trying to figure out which beast you look resemble...
  • Communicate with her - There is a difference between communicating and talking. In communication, there is both speaking and listening for both parties, but in talking, one talks and the other listens with no opportunity to speak; its more like a monologue. When you communicate with her, you get to know her innermost thoughts and fears, and depending on how genuine you are, she might share deep things that mean alot to her. Communication also allows you to know what she likes when it comes to sex or what she doesn't like. She will be open to tell you what she would like to do....... Yap. You lose alot when you are incommunicado.

Call me naive (fala) but the truth will remain. When God created Man and Woman he did not create us to tear each other apart. He created us different; one with a lock (read P***y) and the other with a key (read D**k), so that we could complement each other. If he had meant for things to be the way they are now (promiscuity of the highest level), he would have made it clear by creating one man + many women or one woman + many men. Creating one person of each sex was a symbol that his intention was one man for one woman and vice versa.

In closing I will say this:

Women, I wish we would look at ourselves and see us as God sees us; as the apple of HIS eye, then we would not be like public beaches where all manner of crap and filth is found and done. As for men, I wish you would emulate Christ and love your women (your wives only) like Christ loves His church. If we would all go back to the basics, I am sure we would have better relationships, we would have happier marriages, and secure homes for our children.

Having said all the above, I am now waiting for the backlash...

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